It's Hard To Be Happy When Your Head Is Full Of Sin

by Equinox

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about

When William Blake penned his often recited poem Jerusalem about the North West of England (more specifically East Lancashire) he could almost have unwittingly been setting the scene for the work of Equinox. Those ‘dark Satanic mills’ almost a metaphor for the depression that is prevalent within the poetry and the ‘mental fight’ that has become an almost daily battle.

The poetry of Equinox takes no prisoners with subject matter ranging from male suicide to prostitution but with equal amounts of undying love and devotion, and has been set to music by several musical influencers with whom contact has been made over the last few years.


“we could be about to witness an explosion” – Louder Than War (Ones to Watch 2017)

“brilliant” – God Is In The TV

"sound big enough to fill a ballroom" - Gigslutz

"a compelling and eclectic release, with tunes that will move your feet as well as your mind" - KitMonsters

"Equinox has released what is one of the most immersive, frustrating, enjoyable, progressive, and ultimately listenable records I've ever heard." - Echo Synthetic

“Equinox’s Mancunian lilt is very reminiscent of Ian Curtis” - Joyzine

"this is excellent" - HiFi Curious

credits

released June 26, 2017

Re-mastered by Superhand at Maltbarn Studios

Cover artwork - Jacob C Scott/Equinox

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about

Equinox England, UK

“we could be about to witness an explosion” – Louder Than War
“brilliant” – God Is In The TV

"sound big enough to fill a ballroom" - Gigslutz

"a compelling and eclectic release, with tunes that will move your feet as well as your mind" - KitMonsters

"is one of the most immersive, frustrating, enjoyable, progressive, and ultimately listenable records I've ever heard." - Echo Synthetic
... more

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Contact Equinox

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Track Name: Help Me Please (feat. Ashley Reaks)
I know that what I’m doing is wrong but I just can’t help myself.
Jesus, bless me, I’m about to sin, and, drown in her bodies wealth.

I know that I shouldn’t do these things but I can’t control my whims.
I’ve never been a religious man, but now I’m counting my sins.

Time can only tell when I can face up to the world,
and the chauvinist inside me will be out once and for all,
and the times I’ve acted in ill health are rubbed clean from my past.
These are the times I can live free without aspersions cast.

I know what I am doing to her but she’s led me for so long,
And if she keeps on pushing me, to her whimsies I’ll belong.

I know that what I’m doing is wrong, but I must succumb to lust.
The sexist housed inside of me must keep this image robust.

Jesus Christ you’ve got to help me please,
even though in God I have never believed.
Track Name: Kiss (feat. Feral Five)
My head is aching, my
mind is brewing, I’m
sure there’s something I
should be doing, to
ease your conscience baby -
clear your mind,
but I’m far too busy clearing mine.

My head is aching, my
body’s dying, I’m
sure there’s someone I
can hear crying, for
someone to hold on to -
for all time,
but I’m too engrossed making my life prime.

My head is aching, my
brain is hurting, I
can almost sense the
final curtain, now
that life has fulfilled
my every wish,
I could die only feeling the pain of your kiss.
Track Name: Goodbye (feat. Dementio13)
So, is this goodbye to a friend?
A friendship we thought would not end.
Is this the start of where we drift apart?
Into loneliness now we descend.
Track Name: Sarah-Jayne (Aftermath) (feat. Ceiling Demons)
As if in my arms
your head on my breast
A lifetime away
then together again
Could your heart resume beating?
Will you breathe once again?

A lifetime together, never to part
I will never again feel the beat of your heart
I look to your eyes to search for some light
I know you can see me, I know you have life

Must I take my own life to touch you again?
To re-join my true love must I vacate this plane?
I must hold your torch high, though I long to be one
I cannot, I will not, believe you are gone.
Track Name: Somebody Too (feat. Rosie Bans)
I want somebody who’s there
When I’m needing a friend
I know who’ll always be near
Until the bitterest end
Someone who I can rely
To always be around
Someone to talk to
Without even a sound
She will let me be free
When I need to let go
Then she’ll bring me back home
to her open arms
Now I’m not always right
I am frequently wrong
But she understands
and tells me how to improve
To be her perfect man
One who she’ll want for all time
And if the truth were to be known
I just want her to be mine
Track Name: Don't Die On Me (feat. Snippet)
With you I have shared my entire life,
I could not go on if you were to die,
I would be at complete loss should you not be here,
it is so commonplace to know you are so near

If you were to die then I would soon follow.
There’s a hell that haunts me of you dying tomorrow.
Please don’t ever die on me
as it would surely destroy me

Please. Don’t. Die. On. Me.

With you I have felt at my own ease.
For you I’ve done my utmost to please.
Should you ever go then I could not carry on.
To your uniqueness I could no longer belong.

If you were to die I would surely collapse.
To my childhood bad habits I would no doubt relapse.
Please don’t ever die on me,
as it would really cripple me

Please. Don’t. Die. On. Me.
Track Name: Goodnight Vienna (feat. Vince Clarke)
It's barely 15 minutes since I found his body there
Slouching on the settee with a vomit induced stare
An empty prescription bottle sticking to his clammy hand
and half a dozen tablets scattered round like grains of sand
A crisp manila envelope sealed with little haste
'To Whom It May Concern' inscribed upon its face
As I stooped to pick it up I swear he smiled at me
I knew, at last, he'd arrived upon the place he yearned to be


The letter read:
'If you've found this note you're too late to say goodbye
If you're reading this then I've already left your life
If you're stood there wondering why I've done what I have done
the answer is life and all it brings, and, what I've left undone
Please pass on all my love to the girl I love the most
Tell her I'll watch over her with Father, Son and Holy Ghost
And one more thing - before you think that you can save my life
is that everything I have I leave to the boys and my humbled wife'


Now as I look down on his form I know I will not cry
I will not wince, I will feel no pain, I will not question why
I will instead be happy that he is at peace at last
That his troubles and his worries are now all in the past
He often told me that he felt he was destined for greater things
that the life he had was difficult with all the hurt it brings
and I know now what he meant when said under his breathe -
"Media vita in morte sumus” (in the middle of life we are in death)
Track Name: Sweet Rose (feat. Radio Europa)
My sweet Rose
Mon cherie
Did you want to kiss me?
Did you want me to leave?

Your place
Your home
I didn’t mean to leave my heart
Where I should only leave my money

You take me
You fuck me
You leave me
To decompose

Whilst I pay:
You’ll always be mine
Your thoughts are mine
Your body is mine
Your soul is mine

And when I’m gone:
My feelings remain
My love grows stronger
My heart beats faster
For my beautiful whore
Track Name: Mule (feat. Nat Lyon)
I sit here alone
Alone, here I sit
The silent phone
My impenetrable wit
My insufferable muse
My existence forlorn
I long to abuse
my despicable form
This stubborn old mule
has nothing to give
This wretched sad fool
has no reason to live
The New Year Eve time
crawls beyond midnight
My paranoia benign
never gives up the fight
Alone, here I sit
I remain here alone
To misery I commit
In life’s game, a pawn.
Track Name: Scream (feat. Pulco)
Scream Lord Almighty!
Scream Lord above.
Scream damn and tarnation.
Scream out aloud.
Scream Hell on all Earth.
Scream evil to all.
Scream obscenities out.
Scream pain to man.
Scream war all over.
Scream death to alive.
Scream bad to enemies.
Scream bad to friends.
Scream bad to parents.
Scream bad to kin.
Scream Jesus H. Christ!
Scream God never lived.
Scream love of evil.
Scream Satan is King!
Scream Lord Almighty!
Scream Lord above.
Scream damn and tarnation.
Scream out aloud.
Track Name: How It Is - JAYmiX (feat. Jay Stansfield)
I write this way
as it’s how I feel
Content
Togetherness
Wanted

You’re my second chance
My lifesaver
Strength
Passion
My rock

You’ve brought me down
from my fancy flight
Calm
Stable
Grounded

Stay with me forever
It’s what I want
You
Me
Us
Track Name: Humankind (feat. deux furieuses home demo)
Do you question your existence?

Pleasure, pain, suffering, elation
Joy, death, love/lust, emptiness
Hurt, guilt, loneliness, hunger
Poverty, betrayal, commitment, ecstasy
Pity, trust, friendship, religion
Sexism, machismo, masochism, torture
Racism, homophobia, parenting, jealousy
Care, concern, infidelity, hate
Decisions, contemplation, adultery, violence

Without questions you find no answers.
Track Name: Gone (feat. Superhand)
I grip your throat
Hold the cold steel to your skull
See life pulsing on your temple
Beads of sweat on your forehead
My finger twitching on the trigger
I salivate
Sweat on my palms
My heart beats fast, faster, so fast
My throat pounds
My finger twitches
Your pupils dilate
You shudder in terror
I tighten my grip
Put this weapon in your mouth
You wince
You squeal
My finger twitching (pull the trigger)
Motionless
You fall
Gone
Track Name: Belief (feat. Will Harris)
I think I’ve found something, but I don’t know what it is
A simmering belief in a thing I cannot describe
Something to follow – a presence or a spirit
In the hope of having something I can hold on to
A thing that I know will comfort me in times of need
A thing I converse with, confess to (pray, in a sense)
I have envied acquaintances who worship and believe
Now I too feel I may be aligning a religion of sorts.